Locavoracious

The Fruit-of-the-Month-Club is not just a handy way to sum up my friend Clark's dating habits.

Clark, a one-man cornucopia, on Thanksgiving 2006

The Fruit-of-the-Month-Club is also a mail-order bonanza, as invented by brothers Harry and David Rosenberg of Medford, Oregon, better knowns as

Yes, that's right, there were Jews in Oregon in the early 1900s. And in southern Oregon no less. With the world as their orchard, they came up with the lucrative idea of sending people gifts of fresh fruit throughout the year.

You can practically hear their mother kvelling! My sons, not only are they earning a nice little living with this mail-order mishegas, but thanks to these little mensches, people across the can enjoy a healthy nosh, even if there are maybe blizzard conditions in their own backyards.

And I must admit, when my friends Paula and Eve served up a lovely dessert last night of fresh-from-who-knows-how-far-away peaches soaked in wine and dolloped with mascarpone cheese, I was glad they had blown their monthly postal produce allotment on me.

But on the way home, I started to look that gift peach in the pit. Yummy, yes, but was it ethical? Shouldn't we be eating locally? Isn't the trans-hemispheric transporting of food a major contributor to environmentally-devastating climate change? Oughtn't we support family-owned farms by eating whatever organic produce is in season in the region?

Then it hit me like the Godzilla of Global Warming . . .

the mighty, mighty roar
of the Locavore!

(That Locavore is taking out the Rosenbergs like he is some sort of reptilian Roy Cohn)

I guess the safest bet is to dish up some parsnips in wine with mascarpone for the next couple of months.