Friday, June 6, 2008

Limousine Democrats

He's popular. Smart. Handsome. Athletic. Voted most likely to succeed.
So now the question is, who's he going to take to the prom?Jeez, I hope it ain't Hillary.
Not that I'm a Hillary basher. I'm sure she'd look good with an up-do and a wrist corsage.

But honestly I don't think adding her to the ticket would bring as many assets as it would liabilities. Do we really need to hear about Whitewater and Lewinsky and landing in Bosnia under fire oh-my over and over between now and November?

Of course, I'm a feminist. I would love to see a woman on a major party ticket. And I know that just like the surest way to be king of the prom is to court the votes of everyone from the slightly menacing kids in shop class to the AP nerds, Barack Obama could damn sure use a running mate who can appeal to working-class voters. And rural voters. And women "of a certain age" (because, you know, a lot of characters from Edith Wharton's House of Mirth might be voting this year).

So isn't there some woman out there who fits the bill?Sorry, Liddy Dole, I meant some Democrat woman.

It turns out, after a quick wikipediation, I discovered there is. Or are. More than one, actually.

Senator Mary Landrieu of Louisiana. Oh wait, here's her voting record. Supports Bush's tax cuts. Supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. One of only six Democrats to vote against renewing the ban on semi-automatic weapons. Voted for the Protect America Act, an amendment to the Patriot Act further expanding government wiretap privileges.

Because you know, when I am not paying any taxes I will be able to stimulate the economy by buying more petroleum products so I can drive my entire personal arsenal around. And I don't care who knows it, even if they are listening in on my phone line just to find out.

Um, well, what about Senator Blanche Lincoln of Arkansas? Let's see, she voted to ban late-term abortions (what I like to call the "Screw the Woman, She's Just an Incubator Act" - why should the anti-choice people come up with all the cutesy titles?).

Sorry, but restricting reproductive rights isn't any snugglier a position just because some woman takes it.

Okay, so perhaps the only way for a woman to be elected from a largely conservative region is for her to be fairly conservative herself, even if she is riding in on a donkey.

But isn't there any woman politician out there who is rural but more righteous than right-wing?

You betcha. Meet Wilma Mankiller!
No, that's Wilma Cavemankiller. This is Wilma Mankiller.
First woman elected chief of the Cherokee nation. Dude, you do not get more rural and working-class than the Rez. And if Obama wants to prove he can support the political ascendancy of powerful women, who better to start with than a Mankiller?

Besides, just imagine the time Rush Limbaugh etal. will have trying to make a mean nickname for someone whose given name already means "watch it buddy, or I'll Lorena Bobbitt you to the great beyond."

Now if those two aren't a prom-ising couple of pols, I don't know who is!

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